Falling out of reach...

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. ~e.e. cummings, 1955

99% of the time I am me.

I am happy, confident, and fun.

And then, there are those ugly moments when my confidence is being tested.

And I fail.

Last night, I had 3 different people compliment me on my hair. It was aweful. Most people, people accustomed to being complimented, would wallow in the compliment, roll-around in it, and smear in all over their ego... like butter on mashed potatoes... but not me.

I felt like I had taken something from them that i didn't deserve. I had stolen a compliment. I felt like apologising.

And then I felt bad that I felt that way about myself.

Ug, a vicious circle indeed...

I know I am too hard on myself...

I need to stop.

If only my confidence, that I feel when I am alone, could carry over to when I am with other people.

It would also be nice to accept a compliment without feeling some strange sort of guilt...

:P

This morning started off with a horrible fight with my ex-husband ...

What an aweful way to start your day.

:(