back on the wagon...

I woke up this morning and did yoga.

Yoga in and of itself is hard work.

Especially when you have never been flexible to begin with, haven't done it in months, and with 4 children in the room trying to steal the chair your leg is resting precariously on.

Yoga in my house is a challenge.

:)

Gosh... I love a challenge!!!

Then I weighed myself.

142.

I am definately not happy with the number. I have gained almost 10 pounds in the last month but... today all that is gonna change.

:)

I am officially back on the wagon. I am going to start exercising regularly, get back with Sparkpeople to be accountable for what I eat... and when Club Chub starts back up in the new year... there will be veggies to eat, no dip!!!

Well, maybe that is a bit over the top...

:P

I have given my word at being at the top of my game for an Eco-challenge in April. It is a 24 hr Search and Rescue event involving alot of running through the tough terrain of the back woods of Nova Scotia and, ug... compass work.

So run I shall.

And work on my compass work I shall...

And eat healthy I shall...

Starting 3 hrs ago...

What i didn't do yesterday...

... becomes exponentially harder to accomplish today...

It's not like I took a day off.

When I was in the house yesterday, I was cleaning... but it just doesn't seem to end.

Trying to type a short blog (me time) takes about an hour. Not only will the children not leave me uninterupted for the 15 minutes it would probably take, but the dog stands over the keyboard drooling and barking.

(I just put the dog outside so i could type that) :)

I want to have a shower later, and get all the kids bathed, and scrub both bathrooms down, and put away the clothes, and water the plants, and finish the dishes, and clean my room.

Seems do-able?

Even when I typed it, it seems like a short list. But in the middle of all of that: I am reloading Kale's Nerf gun because he doesn't have the strength to do it himself or I am hugging someone that got hurt or I am cooking meals and snacks or I am helping someone get on a website or brushing teeth.... or...or...

(sigh)...

Right now I am sitting... and it feels good... I have been running around this house for the last 2 hrs....

I am taking 10 minutes for myself and then I intend on putting on Blue's Big Musical and having a shower... then each of the kids will get bathed, while I go through all their clothes and decide what is staying and what is going...

the kid's clothing situation in this house is insane...

INSANE!!!

I buy 30 pairs of socks and .... wait... what is that i see? there go a pair walking out the door... I wondered where they go.... grrrrrrr

So my kids have 20 t shirts, 2 pairs of pants that they WILL wear, no socks, no underwear... and no jammies...

Then WHY do I have a mountain of clean clothes to deal with...?

I intend on finding out...

:)

I am starting to feel the pull of my to -do list...

gogogogogogogogogo....

Sledding Pictures...

Sledding...!!!

After skating, we went to Tim Hortans and then drove to New Brunswick to go sledding...

It was a blast!!!

:)

In this picture you see Kale's feet, my feet and our van....

Skating...!

We started off the day with breakfast and then I shoveled the driveway. I packed up the kids and we went skating!!!!

It went ok.

We drove to the Stadium and I had forgot the Helmuts... grrrr...

I drove back home and got them...

We got back to the stadium, went to the wrong room, and then had to find the right one. We finally got ot the right room and Myles wasn't wearing socks...

:P

Yeah, so... Mommy takes off her very own socks and hands them over...

I get everyone together, mittons, helmuts, skates... everyone but Haven. She steadfastly refuses to wear her bobby skates...

We go out on the ice and last about 18 minutes...

:)

Not bad... it has been worse... :)

They are HOME!!!

My kids are back!

They got home and opened their gifts. Drew got a "Guitar Hero-y" game and he is rockin it! He even dances when he plays!!!

Myles got a Digital Camera for kids. You can take pictures, film video, and play games on this thing!!! It is incredible!

Kale got a bike that you plug into your TV and play games on!!!

Haven got babies.... and drum set... mwahahahaha....

:)

and after it was all said and done, i tore the tree down and threw it outside. OMG what a mess!!! That tree was DRY.......

:)

And then... of all things... my vacume broke...

grrrrrrrrrrr....

I had to sweep my carpet.... ug...

My kids all have their teeth brished are kissed and tucked in. My dog has been out to pee...

I just got off the phone with Jeff, who was two breaths away from snoring...

...so now ... off i go to take the ZZZZZZZZ train...

next stop....

The village of ZZZZZZZZ in the county of ZZZZZZZ located in the Province of... ZZZZZZZ...

in the County of the United Territories of Rick Mercerland.

:)

My Christmas...

I feel very fortunenate to have had such a great Christmas this year.

The night of my birthday, Jeff came to get me and brought me to his place to celebrate. We wrapped gifts and watched TV. It was really nice.

The next morning the kids called me from Digby to tell me what they had recieved. Then Jeff and i drove to the Halifax Airport to meet his ex wife and bring his two boys back to his place.

His kids opened their presents and then we ate a turkey dinner. Jeff made the gravey and candy carrotts. My stomach was still off from being sick last week so I didn't eat very much. Then Jeff put a candle in my Birthday Cake that my mom had got me and he and his boys sang "Happy Birthday" to me.

:)

Yesterday, we drove the boys to Windsor to meet their mom again.

Then we had the most fantastic conversation on all the way through Rawdon Hills and it didn't stop until the Experimental Farm!!!!

We discussed, at great length, things like: the prison system and homeschooling.

He tried to argue that because I am not teaching my kids in a structured environment that they will never be able to understand how to fit into society...

hmmmm.... :)

But they do experience structure, not only do i require a certain amount of structure in my house and how things are done... but in the different sports that they play and in Beavers and Scouts. I am not raising wild animals.

:P

I believe that there is something to be said for the child that is raised to be flexable. To not always expect the ducks to sit in a nice neat row. To think for themselves. To take on the responcibility of their own education. To have free time to think about what they enjoy. To find out what they are good at. To be an active part of their community. To think outside the box.

As a matter of fact there was a study done in the USA where an elementary school actually took some younger grades and stopped teaching math for a couple of years...

I am sure that Lorraine probably still has the link somewhere... but the end result from what i understand was that: the kids that were left to their own devices, thought more "out of the box" than their "schooled" peers. Their schooled peers just wanted to shout out the right answer and be rewarded with praise.

Jeff has never researched Homeschooling, and has never read a book on the subject but he is still fully within his right to hold an opinion. I understood where he was coming from. He does admit that there are alot of things wrong with the school system. But... he believes that Curriculum is important.

Curriculum? Jeff wants to allow "the man".... aka "the Machine" to decide what our kids need to know and when...

You can only imagine my responce. I assured him that I did offer my children lots in the way of "factual" information. But I made it fit into real life... something that public school isn't doing. Certainly not in any way that a child can retain into adulthood... ("Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader? is a perfect example).

We studied mammals like Vampire bats at Halloween....

We studied division when handing out timbits and fractions when baking.

I do not just allow my kids to run amuck... there is a method to the maddness...

:)

I do expose them to things that they haven't yet asked about. I take them on historical field trips and museums.

(sigh)

:)

but in all honesty, it was a fantastic discussion. He was all heated and passionate. Worked up.

heeheehee...

And then we went back to his place and listened to music.

"Killer Whale Tank" rant...

:)

Today my kids will be coming home to open their gifts.

I cannot wait to see them. They've been gone only 3 days but it feels like 30...

Now I will be getting ready to go work out. Today is a new day. I will try and jog for as long as I can on the treadmill. Up to 2hrs.

gotta start thinking about bathingsuit shopping...

:(

christmas eve thoughts...

It is such a different christmas eve than i had imagined.

The morning started off pretty aweful... long angry story that i will avoid...

...but as soon as my kids started waking up... my day got better from there.

:)

I never had company on my birthday until I had kids. So I am so happy to have had them today even if it was only for a couple of hrs...

Kyle was working until noon and then took the kids to Digby to visit his parents, so I tried to get in as much as I could with them.

I took the kids to McDonalds for breakfast and got the boys Bionical toys while Haven got a Strawberry Shortcake doll.

Then we went "jammie" shopping. Drew and I had a halarious moment when i wanted him to try on some one piece pajamas with the button bum area. He steadfastly refused.... :) It was soooooo funnny... we laughed and laughed....

Kyle took them to Digby and I had a nap to try and kill time...

I had a message or two from some friends. My sisters stopped by with gifts. My dad stopped by with gifts for the kids.

(sigh)... My kids....

My kids are a 4 hr drive away but i know that they will have a wonderful christmas with my inlaws... with that said, I am already anticipating MY christmas with the kids next year!!! :) Yay!!!

On a more somber note: My sister's baby is still in the NICU... but she might be home this week.... :)... lets hope....

:)

Jeff has managed to call me a bunch of times today and is coming to get me after he gets off work. We are going back to his place to drink eggnog, coffee, watch tv, and wrap presents...

until then... I need to keep myself busy... to keep the hosue from feeling so empty and quiet.

:)

Happy Holidays To All.

I am the Birthday Girl

It was 34 years ago today that I was born.

:)

Baking... :)

So, here it is.

December 23rd.

My boys are playing Playstation. My daughter is sleeping. She is exhausted after the Christmas party that the YMCA put on. There was swimming from 3:30 to 4:30 and then the most realistic Santa that there ever was, came into the gym where the kids were playing to give the kids treat bags. Santa had a real beard and a button nose... no kidding... his nose was fantastic!!!

:)

I only found out about the party yesterday, but boy am i ever glad we went!!!

:)

I am currently doing some baking and then i have some presents to wrap. Once I get done what i feel i need to, i intend on sitting tonight and watching the Everybody loves Raymond Christmas episode... I cannot remember if it is season one or two...

I should get to it...

no one else is gonna do it...

:)

Feeling good, feeling fine...

Today has been a great day so far. I walked Geneva at 6am, came home and then cleaned the house. The kids showed up at 9am and I am about to go and do some baking.

The YMCA is having a Family Christmas Party at 3:30pm and then I think that we will take the kids skating at the stadium. What a wonderful way to end the Week-long Winter Solstice Party!!

Kyle is not feeling well.

He has gone home to bed for a couple of hrs.

I still have a couple of things to run out and get ... (egg nog, garbage bags, bread...)

...nothing to get my holiday panties in a bunch about...

It is finally starting to feel "christmas-sy"...

:)

now i must go and bake something while I am feeling the oomph to.

little sips of water...

that is all i am allowing myself for now...

I am despirate to eat something, toast, cereal, anything, but i am terrified to get sick again. I feel quaraentined. A prisoner in this sickly body.

I am miserable that i cannot do the things that i want to today. I had such plans... skating, sledding, eating, walking the dog... and instead i scowl at the glass of water infront of me...

My feet are cold and socks aren't helping...

how strange...

I think that I will settle on the couch infront of a movie...

and try and think about other things...

....

I need slippers...

:(

3 hrs to go... :)

I figured I would participate in the questions to help the next 3 hrs go by...

1. Where did you begin your 2007?

In the Ocean participating in a polar dip!!!

2. What was your status by Valentines Day?

A separated stay at home, homeshcooling mom to 4 lovely children and a dog...

3. Were you in school (anytime this year)?

In a way, i took Wood Badge 1 to be a Cub Leader.

4. How did you earn your money?

I did some babysitting.

5. Did you have to go to the hospital?

Nope. Unless i was taking a child for "reactive airways"...

6. Did you have any encounters with the police?

Yes, I believe that I was pulled over for speeding in the Industrial Park (I was innocent) and we had an arument. I won. He drove away.

7. Where did you go on vacation?

The Cabin. And Camping in Shediac.

8. What did you purchase that was over a thousand dollars?

???????????????? hahahahahaha


9. Did you know of anybody who got married?

yes... friends of family....

10. Did you know of anybody who passed away?

No.

12. Did you move anywhere?

Almost.

14. What Concerts/Shows did you go to?

A Bluegrass fundraiser concert for Scouts.

15. Are you registered to vote?

yes

16. Who did you want to win Big Brother?

i have no cable... rub in it... :P

17. Where do you live now?

My possessions reside in Amherst, but my heart lives in Maccan.... :)

(Can you smell the cheeze?)

18. Describe your Birthday?

it is in 3 days... the plan is that my kids and I are going out for Breakfast at the Big stop and then they are heading to digby with their dad... my younger sister is taking me to Duncans for lunch...

19. What is one thing you would never do but did in 2007?

put myself and my happiness first

20. What was your favorite moment?

soo many... but probably watching all my kids play at the beach, taking Drew to the Caves, Haven singing, Kale swimming all by himself in the deep end, and Myles controlling his temper and being proud of himself that he did :)



21. What is something you learned about yourself?

I can face tough times head on... it is hard but it is worth it..

22. Any new Additions to the family?

a neice Danika Grace Wallis

23. What was your best month?

December!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

24. What music will you remember 2007 by?

Brian Melo, Rhianna, The Wii Song, Dave Mathews, and Jeff Wilkins...

25. Who has been your best drinking buddy?

i drink alone ....... one scotch one burbon one beer.... :P ... kidding...

26. Made new friends?

Thankfully i did.... :)

27. New Best Friend?

I have never been one for "best friends"... but Jeff is growing on me... (winkwink)

28. Favorite Night Out?

Watching the meteor shower at Fort Beasijour...

grrrrr.... and ug.... and blahhhhh....

It hits you with the force of ten thousand nuclear weapons... and there is nothing you can do to stop it.

I believe that the technical term is "24 hr flu."

Drew started last night with it and I knew that it would be just a matter of time before, I too, was suffering. I had seen all the signs in my other 2 boys in the last 3 days and I was NOT looking forward to it.

However, i was shocked at how soon after the first hr of Drew feeling the effects, I too started to feel that it was hitting me. And it was relentless.

Jeff was here as well last night, and it hit him right around the same time it hit me.

:(

So, the three of us took turns in one of the two washrooms. All Night Long... no sleep...

Haven and Kale and Myles (the three healthy ones) got up at 6am and we all headed downstairs. Jeff packed up his dog Daisy and they headed home to rest.

Nice "date", eh?

I wonder if I'll see him again. :)

I called Kyle, who just got off the backshift, and informed him that i would be dropping the kids off at exactly "noon." And then I would come back here to sleep my icky feelings away.

The worst part of it is not being able to be happy for my kids... i cannot even fake it. Basically, I want to be left alone for the next 6 hrs. I intend to throw some food at them and otherwise minimally take "care" of them...

:(

And also, because of some virus ravaging my body right now, i will not be venturing out into public... not for days...

:(

No working out, no swimming, no skating, no sledding... no chance of seeing my new neice Danika when she comes home (she might even be coming home as soon as tomorrow) ...no coffee with the girls, and no ...

(sniff sniff) hanging out with Jeff...

well, i need to go finish the laundry....

:(

only 5 hrs left....

Winter Solstice Day 4... "giving"

This morning was "Court".

Background: Two summers ago Kyle's Workers Compensation cheque was stolen and cashed. We found out that a male and female that lived at a similar address in town, had in fact recieved the cheque by accident and had signed Kyle's name and cashed the over $1000 it was worth.

They were found out and we were issued a new cheque.

Well, the couple plead not guilty and the trial was today.

The kids were ushered into a small waiting room with a handful of sad little toys.

We saw that there was a "need" for there to be "more toys" and for different ages. So when we got back home we collected from our "multitude" a tote full of leggo, puzzles, books, and puppets.

It is currently wrapped in wrapping paper and waiting in the passenger seat ready to go to the courthouse tomorrow. Tis teh season for Charity....

:)

Oh and in case you were wondering the guy was charged with the offence and will be sentanced in Jan'08.

:)

Winter Solstice Day 2 and 3...

The "bug" that hit Myles has hit Kale...

It is hard to explain that he cannot go swimming at the YMCA now that he has thrown up today. He does feel much better, but we cannot run the risk of a "relapse"...

Before I drive the kids down there I have to stop at Sharon's Closet and try and find Drew some Skates. Myles has been asking to and I have to get his and Kale's skates sharpened...

I haven't been working out... and as a result... I have been gaining some weight...

But starting tomorrow I am going to get back on the "Sweat-train" and ride that puppy until i get to "abs-ville"...

:)

feel the burn...

... my delts are recovering from the shopping I did today.

The van went in for an oil change this morning ... the oil change turned into a cracked sprocket or something along those lines... thus the van needed a sleepover at the Garage.... grrrr...

Therefore, i put my "two feet and a heartbeat" to good use and almost finished my Holiday shopping.

I literally only have to buy 5 more things... and I am done.

Yay!!!

So I carried 4 canvess bags (stuffed full) almost 3 km or so...

an awesome workout indeed...

I did go over my intended $100 dollar christmas by about $30 dollars, but i am proud of my thrifty Christmas...

Next year will be even better.... I hope to be even more creative.

I am currently getting ready to take Drew and Myles out for supper and then go to see The Golden Compass.

I have all but given up reading the book. But it is a part of our Library now... so if in the future one of the kids want to pick it up... we have it...

and I, myself, may even finish it...

when i find the time...

if i ever find the time...

:)

Winter Solstice Day 1

Jeff and I traveled to Windsor to get his kids a couple of days ago.

His kids met mine at Burger King and then we went to a 70th birthday party for Jeff's Grandfather at the Legion. Although the party mostly consisted of an older crowd, Jeff's two boys were there, Jeff's brother's two kids were there, my 4, and there were a few others. They played quite well from 6pm until 9pm.... they danced and sang and ate... and yes, they ran around....

:P

But overall, our kids seem to get along great!

Carter is 2 and is already well on his way to becoming a "rockstar"... and Hayden is very thoughtful and easy going... a natural leader.

This afternoon we have to drive Jeff's kids back to their Mother. The roads seem clear but the wind is very gusty...

We didn't seem to get the dumping of snow that I had heard we were... but I hope that Wentworth got what it needed to open soon!!!!

Snowboarding!!!!!

:)

The Christmas Fairy came this morning to all 6 kids at Jeff's house. Six Kindersurprises awaited each child that ate their breakfast.

Myles had spent most of the night crying and throwing up (highly uncommon for any of my children to do this)... so he got his Kinder egg without eating ... he just wanted the toy...

The week-long Winter Solstice Party Begins today and ends on my birthday!!!

YAY!!!

Mwahahahah ..... The Recipe...

I like to call this recipe:

(A "Fairly Odd", soon to be favourite)

Egg Nog (Mine) Cookies

2 1/4 cup flour

1 tsp Baking Powder

1/2 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp nutmeg

1 1/4 cup sugar

3/4 cup of butter

1/2 cup egg nog

1 tsp vanilla

2 eggs

-bake at 300

If you get the opportunity to watch "Fairly Odd Parents" Christmas episode... you will understand why i named these cookies thusly...

Egg Nog Cookies

Nothing feels like Christmas like a fresh batch of Egg Nog Cookies.

:)

They are fantastic... I started making them a couple of years ago... and because we can only buy Egg Nog at this time of year... these cookies are looked forward to all year long.

If you want the recipe, i can email it out... but i won't waste my time typing it right now. My typing skills are aweful... my spelling is worse... and i am sure that there are tons of people that don't even like egg nog...

so why would I waste my time?

:)

Besides, I am quite busy... (kidding) .... tonight is sleepover night again. Jonah and Drew and Myles are playing Avatar:The Last Airbender for Playstation 2...

Kale has crashed and is asleep under the tree while Haven is currently playing in the box that my new Stereo came in.

The smell of egg nog fills my home...

... Tis the season...

:)

The Nutcracker Ballet

This is the Art Center on the Dalhousie University Campus.

We arrived there shortly after an adventurous shopping spree at MEC...

We waited about 30 minutes until we were allowed to go to our seats.

I had no idea what Drew would think of the Ballet or of Symphony Nova Scotia but he loved it...

The Nutcracker was well done. It was funny and scary and kept his attention the entire time.

He said that he cannot wait to go back...

:)

In this life...

I believe.

I believe that miracles happen everyday. And I believe that strange things happen at the most strange times in the most strange ways.

And I believe that we must accept, nay... embrace these miracles when they happen and not be afraid.

:)

Yesterday was a good friend of mine's birthday. I made sure that he knew how special he was to me all day long. He is one of the most fantastic people I have ever met.

He everything you'd want in a friend and I am sure that everyone that meets him... likes him....

Jeff smiles easy. He doesn't seem to let too much get to him.

He inspires me to greatness...

... a miracle indeed...

:)

Mug Up...

Today was the "Mug Up" back at Gerald's Camp for the Beavers, Cubs, and Scouts.

The Beavers travelled back there by tractor-drawn-haybaled wagon while the Cubs hiked back. I walked with two cubs and we sang out very own version of "The Cubs Go Marching One By One".

Once back there, we sang songs, did some skits, and cheered. They had hotdogs and hot chocolate.

What a great time!

:)

Naked Grapes....

My youngest sister will be here soon.

I am taking her out for supper (Duncan Pub... no doubt) and then we are going to get my oldest two boys and take them to the hockey game...

Drew and Myles are pretty excited to be going.

I had a sleepover here last night for the kids. Logan (Myles's friend) mentioned that he too will be going to the hockey game. I remember going as a kid, but it never seemed to be about the hockey as much as it was about seeing which of my friends would be there as well.

I currently go for the entertainment, the appreciation for the skills involved, and yes, i suppose getting out with my sister counts as a social aspect...

Speaking of my sister... she should be here soon...

I can almost taste the Naked Grape Charrdonay....

mmmmmmmmm...

In case you missed it... :)

Rick Mercer's "Rant" was absolutely Brilliant this week...

:)

So I decided to share it with you:

Rick Mercer says:

"Canadians love to talk about the weather – always have, and always will. It's what we do. We have always been passionate about the weather, but we have never been hysterical about the weather, and certainly we have never been afraid of the weather. But suddenly, that seems to be changing.

Now first, I thought this was a Toronto thing. Because when you move to Toronto you realize pretty quick that when it comes to the weather there are two parallel universes. There's what you hear about in the media, and then there's what you see out your window. You can wake up and turn on the news and you can see a lead story about a snow storm that slammed the city, how there were three-hundred accidents between 5 and 9 AM, how no flights took off. And the reporter on the scene is so panicked he sounds like he's reporting live from the bottom of a collapsed mine shaft. And you think, "Oh my God, I had no idea, those poor people." But then you realize: hang on, I'm in Toronto, then you look out the window, there's three centimetres of snow on the ground and the kid across the street is walking his dog in his T-shirt. And you realize, there was no snow storm. There was no weather bomb. There were flurries. And then, it got windy and then the entire city ground to a halt.

It's why I invented the word "Torontarded." Good word, comes in handy, believe me. But before the rest of the country gets all cocky, know this: weather hysteria is spreading across this nation like some sort of demented low pressure system.

We don't have forecasts anymore - we have weathertainment. And it's all designed to scare the hell out of you. Cold weather and snow is now reported like a plague of locusts or raining frogs. Problem is, it's not a sign of a coming apocalypse – it's just business as usual in Canada. But tell that to the crowd at the Weather Network. You listen to them for five minutes, you wouldn't leave the house for five months.

This is the true north strong and free, and cold, and wet, and icy, and dark – sometimes all at once. It's why God invented long johns. This is Canada. We have winter. Life sucks, get a toque. And embrace it."

He has a website worth taking a gander at....

http://www.rickmercer.com/

lessons from the checkered driveway...

Jeff is my very own personal Guitar God.

:)

He may even try and teach me to sing... but a goose can never sound like a canary...

He plays Dave Matthews Band, The Hip, and ACDC... and at one point he even plugged in his electric and urged me to try...

He played his guitars and sang more than i learned anything, but at least i got a taste of what he is capable of...

I have considered asking Santa for some "talent" for Christmas... but not even all the magic of the season can help me there...

:)

Tonights menu includes "Change" and maybe "Cherry Tree"... I hope Jeff remembers his ear plugs... and next week I might indulge and buy myself a new guitar.

and a hard case for it that my kids can "stickerize...."

Life is good... :)

Serious business...

I rarely get angry... but when i do... it usually has to do with me trusting someone with something that I KNEW I should have done myself.

Case in point:

Shoveling my driveway.

I LOVE to shovel...and, I do a fine job of it too.

However, several days ago I allowed Kyle to shovel. My first mistake was letting him, my second mistake was wishfully thinking that the temperature would warm up and melt the mess that he left behind.

Instead, I am about to go outside and fix the situation.

I guess i'll put my anger to use...

and vent.... outside with a shovel....

if you drive by... you might be able to hear me grrrrr-ing...

>:) ..... "grrrrrr"

... living...

Sir William Osler:

Live neither in the past nor in the future, but let each day's work absorb your entire energies, and satisfy your widest ambition.

I'll see your 3 questions and raise you 10...

1 : What color looks best on you? brown.

2 : If they were making the movie about your life... who would you choose to play you? Drew Barrimore.

3: If you were made Prime Minister, what is the first law you'd change? The law that gives the ability for politicians to raise their pay themselves...

4: What famous Canadian would you like to meet? Rick Mercer

5: What have you learned today that you didn't know yesterday? how to spell crocodile.

6: What book are you reading now... or the last book you read? Alive.

7: If you won a 10,000 shopping spree at a store... which store would you like it to be at? MEC.

8: What word do you say often enough that it annoys you? Fantastic.

9: Are you afraid of June bugs? No.

10 : Do you have a favourite pair of shoes? Yes, my Sorels.

11: What group did you belong to in high school? The "most likely to be mayor or a serial killer" group...

12: If money were no object, where would you live? Wentworth.

13: If you could play an instrument really well.. which one would it be? Drums...

Just for Lisa.... :)

Lisa wants to know:

1) starting with me(you) personally, how am I (are you?):

I have a peaceful easy feeling. :P

2) Hows tha family?

Haven is healthy other than "reactive airways" and kakypoopoo in her nose. Kale is great. Myles great. Drew is great. Geneva is great.

3) what do you want for christmas???

I haven't really thought about what i want. Maybe some wine and some fancy wine glasses....

and bubble bath ... you can never have enough bubble bath ... :)

Pullman...

I do not have cable to know what is coming to theaters as far as Motion Pictures, so after reading about the controversies surrounding "The Golden Compass" on my Homeschooling Support Group Website a month ago, I watched the Trailer online.

It looked FANTASTIC!

:)

So, controversies aside, I bought the book for my 9 year old to read.

And honestly, he has done well.

The book is very "involved". There are huge, almost unpronouncable words... and words that I can pronounce (sort-of) but then have to look the definition up...

It is getting interesting though... Gobblers, and Lord Asriel... and daemons....

I told my son that as soon as the book is read that we will go to the theater to see it.

Imagine only being able to read a book with a dictionary nearby...

:P

Picking my battles...

Today there was different sort of battle brewing.

With all the new snow that has arrived in our driveway, the kids were egar to get out in it. And then it happened... my oldest says, "Can I run around outside in my barefeet?"

hmmmm...

I ponder.... and I ponder.... I cannot think of one good reason why he cannot. He is 9. He knows it will be cold... he wants to see just how cold...

:)

I glow with pride... (my little budding scientist)...

"Sure!" I say and continue on with making toast. He runs around out side for maybe the inside of say... a minute... and then he returns to the kitchen and he is beaming...

"Cold...cold...." he says.

I feel like we both won that battle.

By the way, don't tell my mom i let him do that... she would completely freak out!

nahhh, tell her... she hasn't called me in two days... i am starting to feel neglected....

:)

Enough stalling...

I need to get back to taking care of myself.

Later this morning, I intend on hitting the YMCA today to jog, workout with weights, and sit in the sauna...

ahhhhhhhhhhh ... sauna.....

I want to be 128 by Christmas morning...

:)

And there is no time like the present....

If it is to BE... it is up to ME...

"what i've done..." - Linkin Park

"whatever pain may come.
Today this ends,"

Old Town Canoes X Kayaks...

I needed to laugh.

It has been a rough couple of days...

and then last night, my oldest had me laughing the hardest I have in years.

I had been wearing a new red "Old Town" touque all day and then, when it came time for bed, my oldest son asked to sleep in my bed. He never asks... so of course I said yes.

He was about to crawl in when he said he'd be right back.

I said "No! Get in the bed and go to sleep".

He persisted.

I perisisted.

I told him he wasn't going to go and get a stuffed-animal because he didn't need one.

He said "I am not going to get a stuffed animal."

I was being a fake sort of angry, and said "You are not allowed to sleep with your Pokemon cards either... get in BED!" and then I smiled.

He was standing beside the bed and then said quickly "I'll be right back" and then he ran off through the house. I honestly thought he would come back with a stuffed animal pokemon...

I closed my eyes and was just about asleep when he got into the bed and i could feel him staring at me.

I opened my eyes and there he was with a "scarf-hat" on. I burst out laughing. I had forgotton that i was stilling wearing the hat i had been wearing all day. I haven't laughed that hard in years. He started laughing too and realized how funny he funny was.

It is good to have kids around to remind me to laugh... and not just laugh, but to laugh hard and to laugh loud...

:)

the day after...

"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."
-- Albert Camus

signs...

After a shower, I find little messages on my mirror...

:) "I love you mom"

Usually it is a message of love... or sometimes a drawing...

Today is another busy day with the kids. We will be spending most of the day in Moncton shopping for a winter jacket for Drew and then decorating the yard.

I have been wanting to sit down and watch Transformers again.... so we might have a movie party tonight...

:)

It's 9am...

I better get going...

:)

What happens at the strip club... stays at the strip club...

While living in Thunder Bay, I grew accustomed to their ways. They had Sauna Parties, went snowmobiling in 10 feet of snow to relax, and... strangely, they went to strip clubs before going out drinking and dancing.

There were many strip clubs to choose from to make this point.

I had never been to a strip club before. I didn't expect Vegas but I still expected the dancers to respect their "art".

And there were a few that did, but most of the dancers.... well...they didn't keep their noses clean enough and they succumed to the pressures of the job.

I, personally, found it facinating. And any opinions I had before I stepped in the door, that first time, changed instantly.

I spoke with a friend recently about the strippers that he has seen while traveling the world and he said that the strippers in Southeast Asia are paid well, and are as respected as Doctors. He said that they had very elaborate costumes and trained hard.

I saw some evidence of "training" while in Thunder Bay. You could definately tell which girls had been doing it for a while.

Dancing has always been a way to seduce. Hula dancing, belly dancing, .... strip teasing.... And it still works. And I am not just talking about women. A man on the dance floor is teasing the women watching, because he knows that they are and he works that to his advantage.

There is nothing sexier than a man on the dance floor.

Nothing better in life than slow dancing.

:)

The perfect date...

(Summer or Winter)

It would start at 9am.

:)

We would go four-wheelin'. Then we would stop somewhere and go hiking to a spot for a picnic lunch (some simple sandwhiches and trail mix). Then hike back to the four wheeler...

Make our way back to his place where we would decide to do something that neither of us have done before, like "Paintball", for a couple of hours....

Then back to his place for a shower, change of clothes, brushetta, and wine.

Some talking on the couch, listening to music, and... then go out for a late supper.

After supper, some dancing... then drive to the beach to walk, sit, throw rocks, laugh, look at stars, and then.... not leave until we saw the sunrise...

(sighs heavily....)

That is the PERFECT date...

:)

Isn't this what every girl wants?

"old" school vs "older" school...

My mom is "old school".

Years ago I lived in Digby and my TV got broken. (Long story).

My mom was horrified. I told her that it had happened the week before and it was actually kind of nice not having a TV blaring away all day long. However, she couldn't imagine her grandkids without a TV, so she packed up one of her two TV's and drove the 4 hrs to bring it to me.

:)

For the last year, we haven't had cable. And honestly, I don't miss it (much)...

I somewhat miss Survivorman, CSI, House, Rick Mercer, and Survivor.

But we have a Fantastic DVD collection, and the kids play "cardboard" games and do puzzles.

We go swimming at the YMCA and hiking. We are busy without the cable but my mom STILL thinks my kids need it.

How will they know what are the cool Christmas toys this year? What about the Christmas shows they'll miss?

Do I want cable? Sometimes I do.

And her nagging on me about it makes me want it all the more....

a guilty pleasure...

But then I remember my "older school" beliefs, that kids should not be infront of a TV when they could be outside building something or inside reading something.

My kids get enough TV time with our DVD collection. Avatar, Harry Potter, Spongebob, Spirited Away, The Nightmare Before Christmas, and the Last Unicorn....

Just the other day, I put my "White Christmas" DVD on. The one with Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye. I wanted to listen to the music while I scrubbed the floors and did the dishes.

The house was quiet except for the sounds coming from the movie. I was in the kitchen for 15 minutes or so and then I became unnerved. The house was "quiet".... it is rarely quiet. I went into the livingroom where all 4 of my kids were spread out around the livingroom intently watching.

Imagine, all 4 watching "White Christmas"..... the singing, the dancing...

(sigh)....

:)

Even though I grew up on cable... and I turned out just fine...

:)

... for some reason I don't want my kids to know every Leons Christmas Sales pitch from 1987 to 1996...

And sure it was cute, growing up, when my mom would come in my room in the morning and say "Time to make the donuts."

good times... good times...

I guess it is still up in the air...

will I or won't I?

As deep as the sky...

I have a Malamute that thinks she is a Golden Lab.

:)

She must have been raised the first 4 years of her life with one. The second she sees one, she wants to play with it. As a matter of fact, the other day we went for a walk and Christine Hawkes's dog came through their back yard and started walking with us. Geneva and this dog were playing together. It was fantastic to watch.

We only past one dog this morning when we were out for a walk. A miniature Shelty-looking one. Geneva didn't appear to want to play.

:)

This morning is wonderfully cool out. And back out into it I go.

Drew is going to continue reading "The Golden Compass" today, and I am taking him to Tim Hortans for a snack.

I believe that there is a walnut crunch there with my name on it.

:)

My neice... Danika Grace Wallis.

She was born on Monday the 26th.

My neice weighed in Monday at 3 pounds 15 ounces and was 7 weeks early. She will be in the NICU in Moncton for the next couple of weeks. My sister was in the ICU recovering yesterday when her husband got a call from the police.

They were congratulated on the birth of their baby and then informed that a van had slammed into the front of their house.

My sister lives across the street from an elementary school. Apparently an older man hit three cars and then hit their house. I am not sure if he was parking is vehicle or lost control driving down the street.

No one was hurt. The steps can be fixed.

:)

Danika Grace Wallis - 3 pounds 15 ounces... November 26th, 2007

Danika was 7 weeks early.

I am an aunt!!!!

know this for sure... I'll do whatever it takes...

I am that kind of person.

7 years ago I begged to go to a marriage counsellor. We went. It wasn't what i thought it would be. I expected clarity and advice. Instead, a nice old man told us we didn't need counselling and that we could figure it out...

But in the end, no amount of compassion I had (and I had alot of it over these many years) would have motivated my husband to want me.

His lies got old. And I know why he told them... He wanted them to be true.

And it took me all those years to finally let go... lies are lies...

Exhausted. I was the only one fighting for it.

I fought for the truth, and then... one day last year... there it was...

It had been there the entire time and once i saw it, i resisted the urge to shatter into a thousand pieces... I had to stand strong regardless of this realization.

And there i was, standing strong... but it stung.

I wasn't enough... maybe i never had been...

But all things being equal,

(not sure what that means but i love how it sounds)

:)

know this, I'll still do whatever it takes...

For my family.

:)

My kids and my dog,

and me...

I am finally happy.

I am building my self esteem back up, that i lost when I gave it to someone else to be in charge of...

never again...

never ever ever again...

ever......

never ...

:)

hiding the broken parts...

I have ridiculously high standards for myself.

Never show weakness. Never cry. Tough it out. Get it done. Suck it up. Don't complain. Get over it.

This attitude meshes well with my high pain tolerance. It started with a tattoo, then a tongue piercing,... then another tattoo,... then another piercing (kinda personal where it was ...nudge nudge, wink wink...)...

Physical pain doesn't bother me...

However, I have crashed emotionally in my life... I can think of two times...

... felt useless, hopeless, incapable... and it scared me...

I hate feeling like I need something.

and, oh boy, do I need something...

:P

something rough, and rambuncious, and spontaneous, and fun and ....

and...

and...

my friends offer lots of advice, which i thank them for... but its no use...

:)

I am holding out...

until i get what i want... or... until i implode...

which ever comes first...

(pardon the pun)...

I jog...

This morning's jog was just what I needed.

The fact that I had drank so heavily last night was still effecting me. And the best thing, in my experience, for a hangover... is an early morning jog.

I drink very rarely, and even when i do, it is only one glass of wine... But last night I had a bottle of wine. The whole bottle. Myself!!

(surely I made the naughty list for that!)

Then, once I made it to the bar, I decided that a Corona or two was necessary. And in all honesty, I haven't been that drunk in years... (not my finest 3 hrs)....

But back to my jog...

Before I left the house, I had a large glass of chocolate milk and two large glasses of water.

I started off running well... (Surprisingly.)

But at km 10... my body decided to disagree with what it was doing. I walked for about 5 minutes and then decided that that was enough of a rest. I toughed it out and jogged the remaining 3 km.

Though-out the jog I did alot of thinking.

I have been single for a very long time. But I never actually felt "lonely" until recently...

After I got off the float during the Christmas parade, I was standing by the road and I was watching the end of the Parade go by and I felt it. It only lasted a brief moment... and I was actually surprised by it.

I allowed myself to feel it for a moment... and then I pushed it away.

I have never really experienced feeling loney in my life. I was the type of person that never needed anyone in my life that way. Actually, I have had only 3 boyfriends. And there were plenty of gaps of singleness where i hungout with friends and helped them deal with their man problems. Why on earth would i want to compound the situation with my own "issues" that required tissues...?

So I jogged and enjoyed life.

The fact that I have been single again for so long doesn't bother me at all. It tends to bother other people. But that moment, at the parade watching Santa go by... I stood there with my two oldest boys and I felt lonely... deep down lonely...

...

Thankfully, I haven't felt that way since...

I am jogging and enjoying life...

again.

"The autumn moon lights my way"...

I have decided, in the last 24 hrs, to move to Nunavut and raise malamutes.

:)

I have a great sense of humour, really i do... but wow, ....

Not only are the planets aligned against me, they are taking great satisfaction at mocking me as well...

Tonight I went to the Hockey game with my sister and Randy. It was a good game, however, Tammy decided after the game that she didn't want to go out dancing after-all, so I took her home.

Randy is newly single (and not from town, poor guy) so i promised to take him to the bar and help him find his groove again.

Upon arriving at the bar I suddenly decided against going in. It wasn't a good night, there was a full moon with an erie ring, the wind was blowing from the wrong direction... I had a thousand reasons to go back home...

We stood on the street and I was given a verbal whooping of sorts.

In the end, my compassion for Randy trumped my need to crawl into a hole ...

I was his friend and he wanted to meet a girl. We went in and he showed me a thing or two about being not shy. He had the guts of a Spartan. He would approach any girl and say anything. It was fantastic to watch.

:)

But alas, my comfort zone decreased exponentially as the younger crowd overwhelmed the bar and by 1am i wanted to retire... all this matchmaking was exhausting...

I walked home, the wind blowing from the wrong direction, the erie moon shining down...

"ah, sometimes I grow so tired"

... that was 4 hrs ago.

I tried to sleep but my thoughts were annoyingly painful.

I guess I'll "ramble on"...

... i always feel better after a jog... 10km should do it....

:)

Not all who wander, are lost...

Today it IS November.

Finally some chilly weather.

:)

This morning I got up and took my little sister to the Farmers Market in Moncton. We wandered around and it was wonderful.

Then we went to the Moncton Hospital to see my pregnant sister. She is swelling so the Dr's put her on bedrest....in the hospital... she is miserable...

:P

I got back to Amherst and took Geneva for a walk.

It was nice. Nice and cold.

:)

Now I am home and will hop into the shower to get ready for the Hockey game.

Maybe a glass of Naked Grape first...

...yeah, i did get the bottle opened the other night... i just needed to want it bad enough...

and it was mine...

Have no doubt, hard work always pays off in the end.

Beginning again...

I know that earlier this week I had intended on getting back into Marathon training but... I got landed with a virus... that I am finally recovering from.

I bought Haven a bed yesterday and spent all this morning changing ALL the bedrooms around...

Goodness what a job...

It was rediculous that I had the huge bedroom all to myself. I gave it to the 3 boys. Haven took Drew's room and Haven's room is now a walkin/walkthrough closet....

I am in Kale and Myles's room. It makes much more sense...

Drew was only grumpy for a moment when he realized that he was losing his own room... but I assured him that if he ever wanted privacy that he can go into my room.

The virus caused me to crash at 2pm....

Tomorrow I expect to feel like my old self again...

I'll go to the YMCA and jog and workout... and then walk the dog and scrapbook.

Tomorrow night is the hockey game.

:)

I got bit by the Elf bug...

This is pretty funny stuff...

:)

If you need a laugh... I recommend it...

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9583360145

The bottle of wine...

... sits on the kitchen counter... impailed with the cork screw...

What a sad picture it is indeed...

I hadn't the energy to remove the cork...

:(

So the bottle of wine sits there... begging me to try again... or maybe it taunts me...

Yah,.... I feel taunted.

I went "balls to the wall" again today when i should have rested...

... maybe tomorrow I'll rest?

:)

I'll rest when that bottle is opened.

chain me to the wall... duct tape me to a chair...

That is the only thing that might work...

Yesterday, when i should have been in bed slathered down with Vicks Vapo Rub, I was out running around Moncton and Amherst.

By 5pm I knew I was done for, and decided to not participate as a leader at Cubs, lest I compromise someone else's immune system. Instead, I dropped Drew off with his pictures and the camera for his Photography Badge. Then I hopped back into the van and I drove to Oxford to deliver Cole's birthday party invitation.

I almost hit 2 deer on Cole's grandparent's road. Seems ironic, considering they were out hunting deer at that very moment....

:)

Today brings more to do... Sackville for snowflakes, walking with Henri.... the search for a pair of fancy red shoes for Haven. The Poly Cello Christmas party is Sat. I won't be there, but my kids will be and since they only "dress-up" once a year.... they better be stylin....

I have dishes to finish...

and some oomph to find...

And maybe ...just maybe.... I'll buy some Duct Tape today... cause you just never know when you are going to need it...

(wink wink)...

:P

Resistance is futile....

I am going to have to accept that I have a cold.

ug... I want to just curl up and hide away until i feel better.

It has taken me 3 days of feeling this way to finally throw my hands up in defeat and say, "I need a gallon of eucalyptus bubble bath stuff and some rest."

I am a firm believer in "mind over matter", and i guess i figured that if I egnored the way i was feeling for a couple of days... then, by then time i was ready to cave in... i would already be over the hump and feeling better.

Not so much...

It is what it is ...

:P

There is no time like right ... NOW... :)

In an effort to be a better me, I woke up this morning at 5am.

I am leaving the house soon to go to the YMCA and work out. The plan is to jog 45 minutes and then work out legs.

It is relatively nice out right now. But the fear of slipping on ice is enough to keep me jogging indoors for the rest of the winter if need be.

My younger sister has been doing fantastic with her Simply For Life program, where as I have been sucking back Whopper Candy like it's cocaine.

mmmmm... Whopper Candy....

But that is all about to change.

I am hardly feeling 100% right now, but i intend on taking some Vitamin C before I leave to go to the YMCA, and then spend the day drinking lots of water and eating greek salads...

It should be a nice drive to Halifax later this morning to buy Nutcracker tickets from my very own personal homeschooling ticker scalper... and then a detour to the Scout Shop in Westville.

I hope that anyone that reads this has a great day... and drinks an extra glass of water...

... we just don't drink enough water...

:)

Nothing to report...

I walked my dog.

I went to Sackville NB to buy snowflakes.

I am going to Halifax tomorrow to buy tickets to see "The Nutcracker".

I haven't slept in 2 days going on 3.

:)

... my oh-so simple life...

+

The topic of "death"came up...

Myles is my "obsessor".

Last year, a dog got hit by a car infront of our house. Myles took it hard. He didn't stop talking about it for days...

Tonight, the topic of "death" rears it's inexplicable head again...

He was overwhelmed with fear... and he cried and cried... I wiped away his tears and told him that everyone thinks about death. And that everyone has different opinions.

We talked about what some religions believe happens to you when you die.

He does not seem convinced that "Heaven" is the way to go. He does like the idea of coming back as an animal... but he wants to pick the animal. And it has to be an animal that doesn't have any enemies...

:)

I suggested a Polar Bear.

And he seems ok with that for a while ... but then the idea of the fact that everyone will die someday... it gets to him...

I love that he is thinking so deeply and thoughtfully about death...

:)

However, it is one of those parenting moments that you feel at a loss... there are no answers... only opinions...

If he asks me what is the scientific name for a Balsam Fir is... I can give the right answer... but this... this death talk... such a challenge...

sink or swim time....

and... he has already asked to sleep in my bed tonight... poor thing...

and of course I said yes...

I have this big old useless bed... I should just give it away... and sleep on the couch...

but that is another blog entirely...

:P

And then there were 7...

Well, by 11 pm only two kids had dropped off into snooze-land...

my youngest two.

At midnight Jonah complained of a stomach ache. I knew he was serious and i offered any number of solutions.... but in the end... he just laid down and went to sleep. His sister was next, and then Myles....

At 1am Drew and Ethan and Emilie were still awake playing Pokemon cards at the table... while they played, I debated with Nadine on messenger about whether it is better to be shot by the PO-PO or be Tasered.

:)

At 1:30am, I told Drew that I was going upstairs and if there was a problem or question of any kind...to come and get me...

:)

At 2am Drew came into my room and informed me that Jonah had woke up and threw up all over the floor...

(I can hear you gasp and then laugh.... yeah....hahahahahahahahahahahaha...)

I smile i think, "the glass is broken" .... then, I go downstairs and make sure that Jonah is in better spirits before I attempt to clean up the mess...

I call Jonah's Dad and let him know the situation. He says he will be right there.

Emilie, with her big beautiful blue eyes, stops me in the hallway and looks up and me and tells me that she is AWAKE. And that her eyes just stay opened until they cannot stay opened any more...

:)

So I asked her to pick out a cartoon and she could stay awake and watch it. She was soooooo happy.

Jonah's dad came just as Sinbad was starting.

I went back upstairs and tried to catch some zzzz's.... knowing full well that my youngest two are usually up at 6am...

At 6:30am Kale came into my room and snuggled up to me and asked "How many more minutes until we can go downstairs...?"

"5 minutes" was my responce....

and 25 minutes later Haven woke up.

:)

And here we are.

The sun is shining. The birds are singing...

Another fantastic day awaits...

It's Our Christmas Sleepover!!!

Generally, every month I'll have a sleepover for the kids. Drew can invite two kids and Myles can invite two kids...

When I was growing up, I was allowed to have friends over whenever i wanted to. I generally wouldn't even ask my mom because the answer was always the same... "I don't care."

:)

I like to take the sleepover just one step farther and have themes.

Tonight the kids all particpated in the Town's Christmas Parade. They were with me on the "Beaver and Cub" Float.

What a Fantastic time!!!

:)

We sang songs and waved at the crowd. We were warm enough until we got off the float... then it was COLD!!!

:)

We got everyone back to my house and I served them all hot chocolate...

And right now my 4 kids and 4 of their friends are watching "Elf". 8 kids in my livingroom and you could hear a pin drop...

I guess when I try and think of it from someone else's perspective.... it may seem like alot of effort. But really, only Haven is in diapers and she can feed herself... so... really... where is the effort?

I put the odd band-aid on a hurt finger, I did make some Holiday Rice Krispie squares, and there will be a huge pile of dishes tomorrow...

But it is worth it...

:)

The kids always have a blast... and strangely, they have all been singing too... even the boys... Songs like: Grandma got ran over by a reindeer, Tarzan, and the "burn down the school" version of Deck the Halls...

Kids are funny...

:)

Naughty or Nice...

I wonder which list I will make this year...

:)

Probably "nice"... probably the "rediculously, over compassionately, nice" list... the list where Santa actually makes an appointment to sit with me to explain how I could stand to actually be a little "naughty"... and he'll overlook it...

:)

heeheehee...

Anyways, I took my kids to the town's "Christmas Lights" last night.

We parked by town hall and walked down.

We walked around a bit but then settled on the grass by the First Baptist Chruch. Myles was convinced that the festivities would start when my cell phone said 7pm... but it wasn't to be...

:)

The lights came on after the speaches.

Drew, Myles, and Kale (jacketless), wrestled on the grass while they waited. Haven would test how far away she could walk before i called her name ... :)

It was wonderfully romantic.

All of it.

Then we came home and I played the guitar some. I couldn't find my electric tuner so i made do with my other one... but i think i need a new guitar. The strings aren't staying in tune for very long...

I'll ask for a new guitar and... an axe for christmas... (I miss swinging my axe around)...

Today brings me back into domestic bliss... dishes, laundry, sweeping, vacuming, the usual run around town, and then the Town's Christmas Parade is tonight.

I better get to it...

:P

Fox Harb'r Golf Resort and Spa

Not long after I got up this morning, I took the kids to pick up a friend and her son. We drove to Wallace and went swimming at Fox Harb'r Golf Resort and Spa.

It was beautiful.

:)

We swam for 2 hours. There was no one else there.

It was hard to leave. You truely felt pampered. They had thought of everything. Lifejackets, balls, swim gloves, noodles, soft music, Bio-lage shampoo and conditioner in the steam baths...

We swam and played in complete serenity... whilst a storm raged outside...

Now I am home and I am about to make some brushetta and then knit for a while.

(sigh)...

:)

Today is gone, today is done, tomorrow is another one...

Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. ~Benjamin Disraeli

My day never did get back to feeling "right". I felt like I was bumbleing through... knowing the whole time that it cannot always be sunny... I must endure the rough patches to appreciate the good days.

I did go for coffee this afternoon with a friend of mine, John Collicott. He told me about a new show... "Dexter?"... CSI-ish... but the guy is a serial killer :)

It is now 11pm at night and I just got back from Oxford where I took all the kids to a "Survivor Party" at the Cloney's. Gene had just got back from hunting, and Linda showed up later. Pam, Russel, Cole, Deidre, and Jake were there... and Faye always made sure that the kids had popcorn and juice.

My sister called me while I was there and told me that Mom is back up in Moncton Hospital and is doing quite bad...

The chemotherapy she had recently has wiped her out... I guess we will know more in the next few days...

Tomorrow morning I will be going out for a run. If it seems too cold I will be hitting the treadmill.

And then tomorrow night is the town's "downtown lightup"...

but now, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

You were born an original. Don't die a copy. ~John Mason

Falling out of reach...

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. ~e.e. cummings, 1955

99% of the time I am me.

I am happy, confident, and fun.

And then, there are those ugly moments when my confidence is being tested.

And I fail.

Last night, I had 3 different people compliment me on my hair. It was aweful. Most people, people accustomed to being complimented, would wallow in the compliment, roll-around in it, and smear in all over their ego... like butter on mashed potatoes... but not me.

I felt like I had taken something from them that i didn't deserve. I had stolen a compliment. I felt like apologising.

And then I felt bad that I felt that way about myself.

Ug, a vicious circle indeed...

I know I am too hard on myself...

I need to stop.

If only my confidence, that I feel when I am alone, could carry over to when I am with other people.

It would also be nice to accept a compliment without feeling some strange sort of guilt...

:P

This morning started off with a horrible fight with my ex-husband ...

What an aweful way to start your day.

:(

Sunshine on my shoulder...

I love mornings. And this morning is a perfect example of why.

:)

When my two youngest wake up, they crawl into bed with me, and they giggle, laugh and make a bunch of snoring sounds, and then... they start begging for the "Backyardagens". I follow them downstairs and tuck them snuggly into the couch with a blanket.

I put on my Sorels and a sweater and grab the dog's leash. Geneva and I go outside so she can do whatever business (if any) she has to do.

This morning, 20 minutes ago, I stood there....and stood there.... and yes, I stood there... I could have stood there for an hour. It was quiet, surprizingly warm, and I didn't want to leave...

If my kids had been older, and didn't need me to burn their toast,... I would have grabbed a chair, a blanket, and a cup of coffee and just sat out there... breathing in, breathing out...

...but, sitting outside in the snow is not something I am able to do just yet, instead... I have other matters that need my attention...

...toast needs to be burnt, laundry started, and ... a shower... a hot shower...

mmmmmmmm.... better get to it... :)

Decking the Halls!!!

This is a picture of Myles last winter.

:)

Myles loves the snow almost as much as I do.

Drew is not as fond because he literally has no fat at all on his body to keep him warm.

Today is the day that Drew will be getting some new Winter Boots, and maybe some skates.

I wonder if there is school today? If not, then maybe we can invite some kids to go sledding at the golf course...

I don't have any real big plans today:

Maybe some sledding, Drew's boots and skates, working out with weights and jogging at the YMCA this afternoon, and working on some math with the kids. (Mulitiplication).

A simple day.

:)

a winter wonderland....

How can anyone hate snow?

:)

It is fantastic!!! Nothing makes you feel more like getting outside, than a bunch of the white stuff on the ground.

I got up this morning and was soooo happy to see the snow had stayed and that it was still falling. I got ready for the Rememberance Day Ceremonies and then went outside to wait for Dad. While I waited, i shoveled my driveway.

Dad showed up 30 minutes early because he had to go down to the Fire Station first. I was dropped off at the Armories and went inside. The bands were practising. Tim Cook was there again. I find it odd that he comes up from Halifax, where he is an RCMP officer, to help with the Amherst Group. I wonder why he doesn't help with a Halifax group?

It was getting late and no other Cubs or Beavers had arrived yet so i went out for a walk.

:)

Walking downtown Amherst while it snows is like being in the movie "It's a Wonderful Life." Nostalgic.... pretty... peaceful....

The Ceremonies were held indoors at the Baptist Church. There was a good crowd and the kids were all very well behaved.

Then I walked home and changed. I headed to Tim Hortans for lunch and a good novel.

I read for about an hour and then came back home to take Geneva for a hike around town in the "blizzard"...

:)

It was windy and wet and even a bit cold. But i was warm and happy...

Now i am sitting here trying to keep up with Nadine and Iris's messenger conversation... meanwhile the snow melts in my hair and drips down my neck onto my back...

I need to get out of these wet clothes and into a hot bubble bath...

plus, I still have a little wine left,....

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... yeah.

Rememberance Day

They won : 3 to 1...

I am currently indulging in some fine wine... so this will take much longer to type than i'd like...

The Ramblers won their game tonight. I went with my younger sister and my friend Pam who was up visiting from Truro.

I enjoyed the game but i wished my Dad were there. It feels weird to be there and he wasn't there. He hasn't "Reffed" in years but he would still go and stand by the glass...

:(

He spent tonight hanging out with Mom and I heard that my service are needed tomorrow. Mom needs me to shave her head. :)

The last time she got cancer her hair fell out a little but not enough to warrent a wig... but this time i guess it is bad and she is getting a wig this week but wants her head shaved tomorrow...

this i can do... :)

I can also kick my sisters rear in a snowball fight and I proved that, TONIGHT. We have "accumulated" snow falling right now, and while walking out to Pam's car after the game, Tammy threw the first snowball... but i finished it...

:P

I must say that the game was a good one... lots of passing. I remember my first University Hockey game and how different the game felt. University games were veryvery skillfully played. Lots of fancy passing and shots. Very little fighting.

Tonight's game was reminsent of that. :)

My kids called me from Digby while I was at the game to tell me that Myles got new boots, Kale got a new hat, Drew met a new friend, and Haven told me she missed me...

I love my kids....

I came home and took Geneva out to pee... She stepped outside and started rubbing the sides of her nose in the grass/snow.... she was soooooo happy...

I am considering taking her out for another walk tonight... but... i may just finish my wine and head off to bed...

zzzzzzzzzz.

It was a good day.

Needs...

I woke up this morning and needed to jog. NEEDED.

I got out the door and surprizingly, I felt good. Not far into the jog, it started to rain, ... then snow, then rain and snow together.

It was perfect.

:)

I felt fantastic the whole way. I thought I would be dragging my feet. Then, as I was jogging past Home Again Drycleaners, I remembered I had to pick up my Cub Shirt for tomorrow. They close at noon so as soon as I am done this blog I have to walk over there and get my shirt.

Plus, people are coming to see the house at 1pm, with the Realtor, and I still have some cleaning to do.

After supper, my younger sister and I might be going to the Hockey game. After which I will go home and rock out on my guitar... speaking of which, it was quite the scene here last night, a half empty bottle of wine on the floor, my guitar tuner nearby, and me playing my guitar and singing any one of the 5 songs I attempt from time to time...

-Wish You Were Here,

-Silent Night,

-Tangerine,

-Southern Cross,

and On Top of Spaghetti...

... Geneva always howls when I play my guitar tuner... but not when i sing... so I'll take a compliment where i can get one...

:)

The Planets are Aligned against me ...

Something strange is going on this week.

And today was the icing on the cake, I swear I must have won the "wrong place at the wrong time" lottery.

I took my dog for a walk at 10am, and nothing went right.

I'll share the things that I can remember, but I have muttered the words "are you kidding me?" a thousand times today...

For example: I had to go to the bank and assumed my dog was not allowed to follow me in, so I attatched Geneva to the far post, while i went in. I come back out, barely 5 minutes later, and the Poe-Poe (my sister's ever-affectionate term for the Police) is parked watching me and my dog... I half expected them to jump out of their cruiser and ask to see my dog's tag. But they didn't, they just gave me "the eye".

"are you kidding me?"

I unemotionally unattatch Geneva, the Poe-Poe drive off, and we walk up to the mall to pay for my high speed. This fact in itself is not so humourous because I had, in-fact, paid the bill yesterday. However, the money went unretrievably into my cellphone account. grrrrrr...

"are you kidding me?"

It is what it is, so I ventured up to the mall from downtown, to pay for my internet (again).

:P

I get ready to cross Robert Anges Drive, just past Dairy Queen. I don't hear anything coming so I am just about to step out onto the road as I turn and look... and I see a Truck coming.

Granted, it was a big beautiful Truck, yes... but the fact that i was just about to be squashed was completely unfair. Even more unfair was the fact that it was being driven by a fellow Cub Leader. Horribly unfair indeed. Unfair in ways I cannot describe here and now.

I turned around and kept walking until it past. Blushing a red so profound there are no words to describe it, I dragged my jaw acrossed the road and shook my head in complete disbelief...

"are you kidding me?"

I decided, right then and there, that hiding out today and tonight in my house is probably the best thing to do...

I went on to pay my bill at Aliant, then I bought a bottle of wine, and came directly home to have a bath, get drunk and wait for the planets to go back to the way they were...

If a meteor hits my house... you can tell the Poe-Poe I saw it coming a mile away... and I smiled and said "are you kidding?"

A weekend alone...

Kyle is taking the kids to Digby tomorrow morning.

He won't be back until Monday. The kids will be participating in the Rememberance day ceremonies down there.

Here in Amherst, I will find stuff to do. Walk the dog, clean the house, and will probably run 20km Friday and Sunday....

my body needs it in the worst kind of way.

:)

Playing my "scar" card....

Everytime I was pregnant, I still did it all (with the exception of jogging).

I almost never played my "pregnancy card". The figurative one that pregnant women use to get out of doing things like housework, driving places...

Since my neck surgery, I cannot remember playing my "scar card", but I am about to.

My neck is numb in places and sensitive in others. This is something that over the last year and a half that I have just dealt with. But now, being a Cub Leader, I must wear a uniform shirt buttoned up all the way and a "necker".

Having to wear the shirt buttoned up all the way and the necker, is like wearing a barbed wire necklace...

So... I have been wearing a scarf a knit to help. It helps tremendously. The only downside is that i get alot of people asking if I am cold.

So I might just have to lay it out there.

As much as i hate to sook about anything, my "scar card" is about to be played.

:P

A quiet weekend approaches...

It has been brought to my attention that this weekend (Kyle's weekend with the kids) that he may take the kids to Digby Thursday night.

This means I would have the entire weekend to myself.

:)

Maybe I'll go out for lunch? See a movie? Watch stars?

I will probably spend some time playing "Silent Night" on my guitar. You can definately tell that that is the song I am attempting to play... but I need practise.

Practise.

Mr Warham emailed me today and asked me who is "Deb Megeney".

:P

Very good question.

I intend on finding out. I used to know her. From what I can remember: she was alot of fun to be around and enjoyed life.

:)

today...

I feel like I should say something about today... even though nothing much happened.

- had coffee with Nadine this morning.

- went walking with Henri.

- Dad took Mom up to Moncton for her Chemotherapy. (she gets it every 21 days)

- took Geneva for a walk around the block.

...and now I am waiting for my little sister to call me so we can go walking.

walkwalkwalk

:)

Tomorrow is WWI day and some swimming...

... how is it that i graduated high school and know absolutely nothing about WWI?

I guess I fell through the cracks...

:)

a great start...

I got up this morning and felt compelled to jog.

:)

It was a perfect morning for a jog. Everything was frosted over.

I jogged around 6km before I came home to get showered and dresed. I have a S&B group meeting today at 9:30am and then will be running the roads.

What a great start to the day!

It also helps that I weighed myself today and it said 136.

This seem a fantastical number considering the dent I have put into my kid's halloween candy...

:P

Time to make the donuts....

err.... pancakes...

What a mess.

:)

I made pancakes from scratch this morning. (I always do). They tasted fine but looked like crumbly chocolate chip cookie dough. The kids ate them... Bless their little hungry hearts. :)

The sun is shining right now and the smell of baking dog biscuits fills the nostrals of my Malamute, who is currently drooling on the keyboard in anticipation of me getting up and announcing that they are done...

:)

now she is howling... little ones... what a silly dog.

Yesterday, while swimming at the YMCA, there was this boy, 7 years old, and he continually tortured the other kids.

He finally zeroed in on my 9year old. Drew repeatedly told this boy to leave him alone. This boy would laugh and follow him around the pool, ball held back ready to throw it at him. The lifeguard was a youngish guy.... 17ish?.... and he was not saying anything, so i told this kid that if he threw that ball at my son that the lifeguard would kick him out of the pool forever, and then he would have to tell his mom what happened...

-this didn't deter the kid...

Drew walked all round the pool deck to avoid being hit with the ball. When Drew got back to where we were swimming, I saw this 7 year old's mom walk onto the pool deck and enter the sauna. Drew told this kid again to leave him alone. I turned to Drew and said "If he throws that ball, you go over to the sauna and tell his mom."

Drew is NOT a tattler, and shot me a look of despiration. This kid wasn't letting up...

The kid finally left.

Should I have gone to his mom and told her?

Amherst is a pretty small town and I know the family. My compassion was tested because I know how this boy's older brother treats him. I have witnessed this older brother verbally bash his younger sibling to the point that I finally stepped in and told him to leave his younger brother alone or I would call his mother.

He never let up. And his mom got a call that night....

That was a year or more ago now... and it is a shame that this little boy, who 3 years ago was one of the sweetest boys in my son's preschool class, is now a bully... he treats others the way his older brother treats him...

:(

it's sad...