know this for sure... I'll do whatever it takes...

I am that kind of person.

7 years ago I begged to go to a marriage counsellor. We went. It wasn't what i thought it would be. I expected clarity and advice. Instead, a nice old man told us we didn't need counselling and that we could figure it out...

But in the end, no amount of compassion I had (and I had alot of it over these many years) would have motivated my husband to want me.

His lies got old. And I know why he told them... He wanted them to be true.

And it took me all those years to finally let go... lies are lies...

Exhausted. I was the only one fighting for it.

I fought for the truth, and then... one day last year... there it was...

It had been there the entire time and once i saw it, i resisted the urge to shatter into a thousand pieces... I had to stand strong regardless of this realization.

And there i was, standing strong... but it stung.

I wasn't enough... maybe i never had been...

But all things being equal,

(not sure what that means but i love how it sounds)

:)

know this, I'll still do whatever it takes...

For my family.

:)

My kids and my dog,

and me...

I am finally happy.

I am building my self esteem back up, that i lost when I gave it to someone else to be in charge of...

never again...

never ever ever again...

ever......

never ...

:)